29 YEARS YOUNG!!!
A personal reflection on the miracle that is LIFE! 🎉🌹👁️
28. A year of incredible change. Consistent with the themes of death and rebirth that seem to overtake every one of my years. I am grateful. I ate a piece of chocolate cake at 1am this morning and took a hot shower. I have been given a miracle. I am well. The miracle of my life is that I am peaceful. I am healthy. I am awake. It’s not that I know everything. It’s not that I have ANYTHING figured out. It’s not that I’ve checked all the boxes or achieved all of my goals and aspirations… it’s that my heart is at peace. 🤍
I was at war within myself for many years. A dark cave. Depression. Spiritual isolation. No one to hear me or see me. I felt alone. The worst part… I felt attacked. Energies and entities frightened me in the night. I didn’t understand why I was here.
Memories still exist within me of not feeling safe anywhere once the sun went down. I have transformed this fear into power. Now… the dark entities fear me. They tremble in my presence. I have learned about them. I have learned about my own fears and inner darkness. I have decided to fall in love, every day, with my entirety. ☯
What you love deeply within yourself - no longer controls you.
My 28th year brought death. Not physical death, thank God. But death of the old… my beloved partner and I, more than peacefully, separated. Through that relationship, I dove into spiritual love with myself and with another. The type of love that heals every negative relationship cycle/memory that came before it. A healthy love. Things aren’t so black and white for me anymore. His family is still within my heart. His mother and I have a beautiful spiritual connection. It’s just that the relationship, as we knew it, needed to die.
My life has been about truth… and about knowing when to let go. Sometimes if we don’t consciously and deliberately let go - God will do it for us. The Divine force of love and power… the benevolent One… will strip our lives of ANYTHING that is no longer meant for us. 🥀🖤
And that was my prayer. Swimming through deep triggers and unearthing my pain… I prayed, “Great Spirit. Take anything from my life that is no longer in my highest and greatest good.”
I knew when I declared these words, that some things were about to unravel. I didn’t give a fuck. I am here to live a life of wild and courageous truth.
My north node in Scorpio calls me to die and be reborn a thousdand times. My goal now… is to feel orgasmic bliss with every release. Every time something leaves me… whether that’s a negative thought pattern, a relationship, a fear, or belief - I want to moan in pleasure versus crawl on my knees. Is this possible? I don’t fucking know. But that’s my intention moving forward. 🙏
I traveled a lot this past year. I swam in different oceans. I listened to reggae with the windows rolled down, driving to a hidden beach in Hawaii by myself and with the elements🌊. I ventured out. I explored beyond anything I’ve seen before.
This outer exploration gave me not only FREEDOM but great clarity. I knew, as I booked my flight to Hawaii, that I was not going there to escape myself. I knew I would feel the waves of grief wash over me even if I was on the most beautiful, spectacular beach.
Knowing that I was not going to abandon my soft heart during this epic adventure gave me peace. I am my own steward.
As I sit here and type these words with my face in the sun and my sister sitting behind me by the pool - I have no thoughts. I am just alive. There aren’t birthday balloons blowing in the wind. There’s no live band serenading me. My phone’s not blowing up (okay it sorta is) with birthday messages from loved ones and friends… it’s just me. Well. Healthy. Spiritually at peace. Again, that is the miracle.
A lesson I learned this year was to be consumed by life and by love. To go all the way. To not hold back. The most courageous person decides to live life fully. I want to be swallowed by the wrath of Mother Earth. Taken into her deep dark womb. I want to rise high into the sun. I desire full consumption. Yes… with my beloved, whoever is meant to take my hand next, and… with life itself.
I have fallen in love with my pain so now I am free. I am not resisting anything inside my being. I have trust that life is taking me on a journey that is Destined for me. I trust my eic clients and the community that I am serving on a deep soul-level. I smile as I remember and recall every life I’ve touched. Every tear I’ve held. Every empath who I empowered. 🔥𓆃
I hope I empower you to live your wild dreams.
This year, I sang for many people. At a retreat… in a salon… at different events. I gave my full voice and energy to others as a sacred offering. That brings me an insane amount of joy. I feel high… no drugs needed. I am most certainly willing to act before I feel ready.
The thing is… no one feels ready for any leap that they take in life. We must answer the soul when it calls us to move. We must act on the calling that we were born with despite every fear that will show itself. Now… I see fear as a sign that I am definitely growing in my power.
~Doubt is the great teacher of faith.
~Fear is the great giver of love.
~Separation is the best catalyst for union.
With this level of radical acceptance and allowance - I am free. 🕊️🦉
I wish YOU the type of freedom that allows your heart to spill over and bless this world with your gifts. Thank you so much for being a very important part of my journey here on this planet.
I love you deeply!!!!!!!
Cheers to my birthday and another year of fucking around and finding out!!!!!! And answering the calling I was born with. And relishing/being devoured by the mystery that is this life.
With radiant love,
Ashley🙏
As I was walking by the beach in Maui, I said to myself, “I’d like to manifest a photoshoot!”
Literally 10 seconds later, a semi creepy dude asked if he could take my picture. Here is one of the shots he captured! 😅